On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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