Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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