at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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