Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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