He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
