Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
