somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
