Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my poor anus
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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