I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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