Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
