On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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