cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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