just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
