Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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