Pappa wants mamma naked
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
