I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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