First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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