So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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