Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
