He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
