Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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