He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
