Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
