oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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