i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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