Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
