xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
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Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
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I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
And then my night got REAL pukey
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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