dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
don't judge my taste in strippers
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
