Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
