ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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