Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
