he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
