Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
