i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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