I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
handjob tips. give me some.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
