I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
