i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Randomize
