We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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