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I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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