I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
