The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
