You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
