I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
