I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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