My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
