I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Text me some of your sweat
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