I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
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