if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I know her cup size but not her name....
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
