You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Come share oat with me in your robe
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
