Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
