You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
