Your favorite bartender is back from prision
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
