So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
