I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
