Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
