he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
