No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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