the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
