Are we in a gay sports bar?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
