he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
