I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
