Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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