i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
