so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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