ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
