She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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