There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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