i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
