Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
