alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
